These Jokes are courtesy of
Cliff Hamer (Tromboni) the web master of
Slaithwaite Philharmonic Orchestra

More Jokes can be found on the web pages of
The Halle choir
The Harrogate Band
Please if you have any Musical Jokes(clean please)
and would like them published
please send them to me
The Webmeister

Q/ What is the definition of a minor second?
A/ Two bass players in unison.

Q/ What is the definition of a cluster chord?
A/ A Brass band all playing middle C.

Q/ How do you get a rock guitarist to stop playing?
A/ Put some music in front of him.

Q/ How can you tell if a cellist is playing out of tune?
A/ The bow is moving.

Q/ How is lightning like a trombonists slide?
A/ Neither one strikes the same place twice.

Q/ How do you know that it is a percussionist knocking on your door?
A/ The knocking speeds up, slows down and carries on when you've opened the door.

Q/ Why do vocalists often stand for long periods outside peoples houses?
A/ They can't find the key and don't know when to come in.

St Paul was in charge of entry through the Pearly Gates into heaven.
As each one arives they are asked what they did on Earth, and then they were told where to go.
"I was a teacher on Earth." said the first.
St Peter replied: "Straight on through the door on the left."
The next to arrive said: "I was a policeman on Earth."
St Peter answers: "Straight on through the door on the right."
The third said: "I was a musician on Earth."
St Peter: "Right. Go round the back, up the fire escape, along the corridor, through the kitchen.……………….."

"The Full Bifta" What on earth is it ?